Fasting

Right. 
I'm sick of bingeing, I'm sick of being fat, I'm sick of hating myself , I'm sick of my body, I'm sick of my friends, I'm sick of my family, I'm sick of living, I'm sick of everything.
And no ones cares. 

I've been feeling really negative throughout the week, I've been pretty depressed. And of course, I began bingeing - which made me hate myself more. Also, all week we've been allowed to dress down for school (wear whatever we wanted) which I really didn't want to do. I only have 1 skirt out of all my clothes that I actually feel half-comfortable wearing, and I can't wear that the whole week or else I'd look a bit poor.
Well, I've decided to stop moaning and feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going to go on a 7-day water fast. After that I might do a longer one.
I've done 1-day fasts before, so I'm pretty excited to be doing a full week. This will get me back on track - this will make me skinny. I'll be starting tomorrow (Thursday).    :)
Also, Mum's going to book a zumba class for me and her tomorrow evening, I hope i'm not the youngest one there... What if it's filled with fat, middle-aged woman? :/ meehh.


I'm going to change. I will be beautiful, skinny and proud.

Thinspo of the day;

her hair

If she can do it - so can I.

This describes me perfectly

When I get thin, I'm so gonna get a boyfriend ;)

-M xoxo

"Two words: SELF CONTROL."

Oh, to be thin...

Today's been good..? I'm just doing a quick-ish post because I've got football in about 20mins, and I probably won't get the time when I get home to blog soooooo...
Today's been pretty good eating-wise. I had about 150 cals until dinner where I had 2 smarties cookies.

Breakfast : half a slice of plain bread, 40cals
Lunch : 1½ Belvita Breakfast biscuits, 81 cals
Dinner : 2 Nestle Smarties cookies, 398 cals
Snacks : Chewing gum, Diet Irn Bru


Overall : 548 cals (that's including the cals from the Irn bru and chewing gum.)


I'm in the mood for excercise. I've got so many things happening at the moment, I'd really like to let out all my stress with a good workout. I calculated the amount of excercise I will have done by the end of the day on mfp and it says i'll burn 1380 cals overall. *jumps with joy*


Righto, I gotta go do some football :) Here's todays thinspo;

-M xoxo

 "Believe with all your heart that you will do what you were made to do."

Mum

She saw my cuts. She confronted me. She knows.

...

I want to die.

I came out of the shower and was going to get some clothes when mum saw my arm and looked really sad as she asked me what was wrong.
She told me I must be feeling really down to be doing such a thing to myself. Haha, I've felt like this for so long - feeling down is normal. She asked me what was wrong, I didn't tell her I cut because I feel worthless, fat and disgusting. I just told her things had been hard lately and I was feeling a bit sad.

Lieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslies...

She then asked what would make me happy and while my mind was thinking THIN, THIN, THIN I just shrugged.

Mum probably thinks I'm cutting out of depression, which is good, it means she doesn't know about my eating habits.

I begged her to not tell anyone, especially not my brother and my Dad. Mums been treating me different - she's always giving me hugs, and watching out for me now. Which I guess I like but I really don't want my brother or Dad to act different - I want to feel normal around them.

I also begged her not to remove the knifes. She laughed and said she wouldn't because I'd be able to find another one anyway. So, she's been pretty supportive. I told her I don't want to stop just yet, it's been helping me and she seemed okay with that.

Ugh. I feel so shitty.

Thinspo of the Day;

Those legs <3

I so wish I had this body, she's absolutely gorgeous

To work out and look this good~

-M xoxo

"Changes made today lead to a better life tomorrow"



 

Let Me Be Free...

Hey, so far things have been slightly shitty - so I have formed a new battle strategy.

Le Plan;


Monday - 200 (-200)
Tues - 500 cals (-200)
Wed - 400 cals (-200)
Thurs - 200 cals (-200)
Fri - 350 cals (-200)
Sat - 500 cals
Sun - Fast


It's quite sketchy, so I don't mind if I mess up a bit, as long as I'm always under 500 cals. Also the (-200) is for weekdays as I walk to school and back which burns, you guessed it, 200 cals overall.


---


Anyway, onto what I've been up too~
Today one of my friends told me she was bulimic. I was... seriously surprised.
Well, actually, I always suspected she had an ED of some sort. She told me she purged about 2 times a week.
I once tried it but I was too cowardly and couldn't bring myself to do it. I prefer starving ♥
I wanted to tell her about my eating habits, but decided against it. I kept my mouth tightly zipped.

Ah, also... I cut myself last night. And today. It was the first time I'd done it.
I felt so fat and disgusting and I wanted to feel something else... anything else... So I picked up a knife that has, like, zig-zaggy bits on it and repeatedly slashed at my left arm. I look like a freakin' zebra.
Then today, I binged and as punishment I decided to get a different knife (this one was pretty sharp) and went over my cuts from the night before.

I wore long sleeves today, but because I'm so used to pushing them up I kept finding them rolled up halway through class. Urgh...
If anyone asks I'll just say I fell in a bush or something... Gahh..
The thing is... I don't feel guilty about cutting. I'm enjoying it..? I like looking over the cuts and it comforts me when I touch them.

Sick and disgusting, I know.

Thinspo of the day;



-M xoxo

(P.S Add me on MyFitnessPal : http://www.myfitnesspal.com/skinnykatxx )

 "Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going."

Good Day!

Hello, I'm Marnie and this is my blog. It's really just a place for me to let off steam, look at thinspo and write about how my life's been. :)
I'm a young girl from the UK. I'm pro-ana. I don't believe I have an ED. I'm too fat for that. I just want to lose weight and be beautiful. I want to be able to confidently look in a hot guys eyes and wear bikinis and really short shorts. ♥
I'll write more personal stuff later..


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Anyhoo~ Today was a good day! A very-very-very muchos fabola day ;) 
I woke up at 6am (I usually wake up around 8am...-_-) and worked out in my room quietly for an hour. I done  squats, burpees, crunches etc. 
I felt great afterwords, like really fresh and healthy. 
I also walked to school and back (obviously with school in between) which burns 200 cals. And I done that twice as I cycled home during lunch and back to pick up some homework from my house.. Why am I so forgetful?!?!?
I ate below 500 cals. I don't know the exact number but it was definitely under 500. Which i good  :) At least I didn't binge~
So, Overall I feel good. My self-control has been good today. Tomorrow I'm going along to a boxing session with one of my friends. Hopefully. As long as she comes along.
I'll write soon, for now here's some thinspo I really like;

How can someone look so beautiful. She's gorgeous..

Before and After pics keep me inspired 

All the time...

♥

Beautiful..

- M 
xoxo